I have always been a sport fanatic. In my early days, I played a lot of team sports - with football being my passion. I loved being part of a team, and making connections with team mates. These early experiences taught me a lot about the psychology of a team, which I would explore further later in life. My real individual learning came when my father got a call from the local athletics coach, inviting me to join after he had seen the time I posted in a regional 10km road race. After a bit of convincing, I decided to give it a go, with the initial thought that this could benefit and compliment my performance in team sport. And so began the journey which I still find myself on today.

The Beginning at Craughwell AC

My story in Craughwell AC began at the age of 15, when I first attended a training session with the middle-distance group run by 3 very influential coaches in my life – Michael Tobin, Mark Gillen and Mark Davis. From the moment I arrived, I felt as though I belonged. The atmosphere created in Craughwell was something unique and special. I had never come across anything like it in many other sporting ventures before.

This environment gave me every opportunity to grow rapidly, which I did. For the first year and a half of my athletics career, I ran a PB in every single race. My growth knew no boundaries, and the fantastic coaching, training group and environment was the foundation. How am I so sure? Very simply because once I was removed from that environment, to go onto a superior 'high performance' environment, my development stalled. As though a switch had been flicked off.

A Crossroads at 17

At 17, having completed my leaving cert, I encountered a crossroads, and an opportunity I couldn't refuse. My initial plan was to take a year out, to develop myself both in athletics and in life. I envisaged myself going from strength-to-strength training with my buddies in Craughwell, and after meeting with the one and only Eamonn Coughlan for a chat, I had even been convinced to give up my beloved football to focus solely on fulfilling my athletics potential. This would have been unthinkable a couple of years prior, but such is the all-encompassing effect the sport had on my life.

That is when DCU came onto my radar, and on the very last day before the CAO deadline I decided I was going to Dublin. I remember ringing Michael that day, and I can still remember how excited he sounded for me, and how supportive he was on the phone. He gave me a glowing reference and by September, at 17 years old, I had moved into an apartment block on campus in DCU consisting of 50 athletes. Quite the rollercoaster 22 months - from casually taking up athletics to improve my speed for football, to moving into a 'high performance' athletics environment, surrounded by people who had been competing since they were 5 and 6 years old.

Culture Shock

Before long, I got the feeling I was slightly out of place. As a relative newcomer to the sport, my naivety and innocence towards training, eating, resting, recovering, sleeping was on show for all to see. I didn't know how to live my life as an 'elite athlete'. 90% of the lodgers in the athletics block had represented Ireland at some point, while I had less than 20 track races to my name. Culture shock was an understatement.

I learned on the job, and slowly but surely began to live more productively. I was lucky enough to have Irish international runner Darren McBrearty take me under his wing and show me the ropes. Darren was an exceptional runner, with a 1:47 800m and 3:42 1500m to his name. He had a perceptively good balance of life and training, which I enjoyed striving to emulate.

The Mental Struggle

At the end of my first year, I endured a laborious outdoor track season, failing to accomplish any medals or even PBs (this was my definition of success at the time). I remember missing the camaraderie on race day that we had during my Craughwell days. That camaraderie actually acted as a positive distraction to my devious mind from overthinking the race. Now, I could never get my focus right. My thoughts and emotions would have me drained before I ever reached the start line. Each poor result hit me like a train, and I took it all very personally. Especially since I now knew lots of the high performing athletes at events (and more importantly, they knew me!). My resilience was tested continuously, and I, more often than not, struggled.

By second year, I had matured. A few weeks off in August to recuperate, and cross-country season saw me knocking out 70-mile weeks, aiming for a top 12 finish in the nationals, maybe sneaking a place onto the Irish XC team. I came 13th, which, in many ways, should be perceived as progression. But at this stage, my nature of consistently beating myself up and being hard on myself was crippling any chance of that. Nothing a warm weather trip to Portugal with some high-profile athletes couldn't fix, I told myself.

Monte Gordo

That January, before indoor season, I headed for Monte Gordo with Darren and a few other hugely experienced athletes. I was excited for the two weeks of uninterrupted, strenuous training. Day one, I stuck on my brand-new runners and headed for an hour 'easy' run with the lads. The result was blisters. Bad, bad blisters. I didn't run again until day 6. Another real test of resilience and patience, another test I would later learn, on reflection, that I did not adequately cope with. The training camp as a whole cost me more than it benefited me, with only 7 of the 14 days being training days, and just 2 track sessions (which was the main reason I went).

Seeking Help

By March, it had all become too much for me. The build-up of minor setbacks I had being taken personally, the overwhelming transition from Kilcolgan to North Dublin, and from Craughwell AC to DCU Athletics Academy had all but broken me. I had to seek some professional help, in the form of Tony Og Regan, who was a qualified Sports Psychologist. It was a case of too little, too late, however. Tony was super, and he even helped me win a 5k road race in a PB time in the first month of working with him. But my passion was dead. The final straw – being overlooked for the University track and field team to run the 10k, which had been my goal all season. I was done. Mentally finished. Longing to be back in Craughwell AC, or back playing my number 1 love - football.

Finding My Purpose

That's what I did. I went back playing and coaching football, which I still do to this day. But, my 3-year athletics experience from 2013-2016 educated me on life, and left me with questions, curious on what I could have done better. That curiosity led me to the University of Limerick, where in 2021 I graduated with a master's degree in Mental Skills and Mental Health in Sports and Exercise, and have since been accredited by the ISESA to practice as a performance psychologist.

I am a big believer in education as a form of understanding one's own issues, and also of similar experience as a form of understanding other's issues. With that in mind, I can now offer to help athletes who tend to encounter similar struggles to mine. This has become my mission.